His wife was in a panic. Edna Snarduckerus, who was an automotive psychic, had a premonition that the front wheel bearings on her Mustang would need replacing within the next three hours or else an asteroid the size of Canada would collide with Neptune which would throw off the gravitational pull of the other planets in our solar system which would in turn lead to the annihilation of earth and extinction of the human race. She wasn’t quite sure how that chain of events laid out but she knew better than to question a premonition based on total random chance that may not have any vestige of truth in it.
Coincidentally, Edna’s father was coming for an afternoon visit to discuss his will and Edna’s future inheritance. Her father was a stern and difficult man—he could be generous one minute and disown you the next. Edna loved her father more than his money—but the money came a close second. She remembered how much her father enjoyed fresh pressed apple cider and Artie has just picked a bushel of apples from their backyard trees. She surmised that a little cider may go a long way to secure her and Artie’s financial future.
To ward off human extinction and sweeten his father-in-law’s mood, Artie purchased the 20 Ton Shop Press, item #32879. He got it home and assembled the shop press lickety-split. His father-in-law was due to arrive within the hour. He wouldn’t have time to remove and replace the bearings and make cider… unless he did it at the same time. He set up racks with the mashed up apple wrapped in cloth on top of each other, then put ply board on top of that, then put the wheel bearing on top of that and went to work.
Despite the rush he was in, Artie couldn’t help but notice how the H-frame shop press had open side heavy duty construction to enable work on long work pieces, not to mention the adjustable table to establish the best working distance possible and how the spring return ram speeds up work. He thought about all the things he could use the 20 Ton Shop Press for—removal of pressure fitted parts, bending or straightening metal, removing and installing gears, U-joints, ball joints and pulleys… and yes, making even more apple cider.
Long story short, Artie finished up the wheel bearings and the apple cider 3 hours and five minutes after Edna’s call. He was five minutes past his wife’s premonition timeframe but he figured the universe would cut him some slack considering traffic.
As it turned out, grease from the bearings got into the apple cider which really cheesed off Edna’s father. He left them nothing in his will—which turned out to be fine because the universe decided not to cut Artie any slack and the world ended as we know it. Did I mention this all happened in a parallel universe? No?
Anyway, it won’t be the end of the world if you don’t visit one of Harbor Freight’s 500 stores and purchase the reliable 20 Ton Shop Press. But do you really want to take that chance? Think about it over a nice glass of freshly-squeezed apple cider.
20 Ton Shop Press