I THOUGHT YOU SAID “DUCK” TAPE…

Duct-Tape-300x300Confession: the first time I heard someone mention duct tape, I thought they were saying “duck” tape. All sorts of questions came to my mind… Why would you need to tape ducks together? Was there a special adhesive that worked better on feathers compared to Scotch tape or masking tape? If two ducks were taped together in the forest and no one was around, would they still quack? The more I thought about these questions, the more I questioned my own existential being. Surely, the reason for duck tape reached beyond the practical need to bind ducks together. I dropped out of chiropractic college, sold my Vespa and traveled east in search of answers. After 10 years, I was in Nepal and had hired a Sherpa named Peter (his parents were huge Easy Rider fans) to take me to a remote peak in the Himalayas that was reputed to be the vortex of mysterious and powerful energies. I sat in meditation for 8 days and nights, no food and the only water I drank was from the melted frost that formed on my upper lip. Nothing happened. No answers regarding duck tape were revealed to me. Perhaps my soul was marred and unworthy of such revelation. Perhaps there were mysteries that were not meant for mortal man to discover. Perhaps the answers were right in front of me but beyond my personal understanding.

Just when I had given up all hope, a strong wind picked up and seemingly out of nowhere, a mailer from Harbor Freight Tools blew right into my face. As I removed the mailer featuring the latest specials and discounts, I noticed a coupon for Duct Tape. DUCT tape. And then the revelation hit: it’s tape for ducts. Ducts do come apart and need repair. And you need an adhesive that works better on sheet metal compared to Scotch tape or masking tape. Only one question remained: if a duct breaks in the forest, does the escaping air make a sound? That last one almost sent me back on another decade-long journey but then I realized there aren’t any ducts in the forest. Whew! I returned to the states, completed my chiropractic training and investing heavily in soy commodities. I made a fortune and today I live like a king, but I still do my own home repairs. And being a do-it-yourselfer, I always have several rolls of 2 in. x 50 yd Cloth Back Sliver Duct Tape from Harbor Freight Tools on hand. The all-purpose duct tape has thousands of uses around the workshop, jobsite and home. The polyethylene backed, rubber base adhesive duct tape is great for quick and easy repairs, labeling, sticking items together (sans ducks) and sealing. Resistant to water and abrasions, this general-purpose duct tape is a must have for the professional and do-it-yourselfer alike. And the great news is that you don’t have to travel half way around the world, hire a guide named after an actor whose heyday was in the 70s and drink melted frost from your upper lip to acquire  2 in. x 50 yd Cloth Back Sliver Duct Tape. With over 500 locations nationwide, just visit your local Harbor Freight store or get it at harborfreight.com.

(Disclaimer: No ducks were harmed in the writing of this article.)

2 in. x 50 yd Cloth Back Sliver Duct Tape
Sku: 94714
$4.29

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