IT’S A DOG’S LIFE. WE SHOULD BE SO LUCKY.

23 In dog bed

The idiom “It’s a dog’s life” use to mean that life was hard and unpleasant. Those poor dogs. Apparently, while us Peter-Pan humans were lollygagging around living the dream, man’s best friend was miserable… who knew? Well, I certainly didn’t until I came across an academic white paper from Dr. Berry Sperry, the head of pet sociology at UC Davis. He found the personal journal of his family’s terrier Bowser. Here is a one-day entry from Bowser’s journal:

7am – woke up on cold, hard kitchen floor to the sound of coffee maker going off, hard time getting up, hip joint is really sore

7:15am – owner let me out to do my business

7:30am – chased squirrel up tree out of habit, not passion – what is the meaning of it all?

8:00 – ate dry kibble and piece of papaya dropped from family breakfast table (didn’t like papaya)

8:15am – contemplated Kierkegaard’s “Truth as Subjectivity”, no new revelations

8:45am – arrived at construction site

9:00am – 12:30pm – unloaded 50 bags of cement and dug out ditch for concrete piling

12:30pm – lunch break: ate rice cakes, low-fat cottage cheese and Diet Snapple, trying to get back to my old “service dog” weight

1:00pm – 5:30pm – busted my doggie behind putting up framing all day in the hot sun, totally worn out

6:00pm – arrived home, letter waiting for me—turned down from graduate creative writing graduate program at University of Iowa

6:30pm – ate more dry kibble, booooring!

After the last time stamp, Bowser wrote freeform…

I’m exhausted! I barely have the strength to watch an episode of Sons of Anarchy. My life is sleep, marking my territory, dry kibble, work, rinse and repeat. The horror of it all! I had dreams! I had aspirations! How can I pursue any of it when I’m working all the time and physically and emotionally spent when I’m not? Oh, this life! And to top it all off, my girlfriend’s a bitch! If I could just get a good night’s sleep, I’m sure things would start to turn around—  The rest of the entry is comprised of smudges from doggie tears.

After reading this proverbial howl for help, Dr. Sperry went down to his local Harbor Freight store and purchased the 23″ Pet Bed (item #: 66622). The 100% comfy fleece material and luxurious poly filling provide a plush rest spot for your pooch, cat, miniature wolverine or other domesticated pet. The pet bed also features a black plaid design which works with most decorative motifs. Dr. Sperry left it on the kitchen floor without saying a word. The following is Bowser’s journal entry the day after sleeping on the 23″ Pet Bed from Harbor Freight Tools:

6:30am – woke up earlier than usual and refreshed, the hip feels great!

7:15am – owner let me out to do my business

7:30am – chased squirrel up tree and had fun doing it!

8:00 – for some reason, the kibble tastes especially good today

8:15am – contemplated Kierkegaard’s “Truth as Subjectivity”, realized that since all beings process information through subjective filters, all perceived truth is “subjective”, therefore objectivity is in itself a subjective assessment

8:45am – arrived at construction site

9:00am – 12:30pm – unloaded another 50 bags of cement and dug out two more ditches for cement pilings, whistled while I worked

12:30pm – lunch break: ate rice cakes, low-fat cottage cheese and Diet Snapple… the Raspberry Diet Snapple is out of this world!

1:00pm – 5:30pm – finished framing the 1st floor of the structure, was promoted to site foreman end-of-day because of my great attitude and dogged determination

6:00pm – arrived home and found beef jerky treats by my water bowl from a “secret admirer” (suspect owner)

6:30pm – ate more dry kibble, must be a new formula, tastes great!

After the last time stamp, Bowser wrote freeform again…

It’s amazing what a good night’s sleep on the 23″ Pet Bed from Harbor Freight can do. I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks! It’s a dog’s life… and I’m lovin’ it! My girlfriend’s still a bitch though.

Do the right thing for your pet and pick up the 23″ Pet Bed from any one of Harbor Freight’s 500+ stores. Your pet will thank you—though not all will express their gratitude in writing.

23″ Pet Bed
item #: 66622