Darn lawyers! Originally, we called this amazing new device the 8-In-1 Blower Vacuum Mulcher Paperweight Personal-Self-Defense-Weapon Anti-Yapping-Dog-Apparatus Confetti-Storm-Maker Modern-Art-Piece. We had this great ad all designed – it pictured a typical family gathering set in a typical suburban backyard—a set of divorced parents with their new spouses, step children and birth children—each member holding the new device and performing one of the eight functions. The youngest child, a preschooler, is made up like Andy Warhol and is holding up the device next to a can of Campbell’s soup. His quote bubble reads “I had a lot of dates but I decided to stay home and dye my eyebrows.” Everyone in the ad is laughing at the comment, including the social worker who’s checking in on the family.

Where was I? Oh yeah, darn lawyers! Everyone here loved the ad until it found its way to the legal department… All of a sudden, there were “issues” with five of the eight functions, and did we have the rights to include a can of Campbell’s soup in the ad and what did a child imitating Andy Warhol have to do with selling this incredible new device from Harbor Freight Tools? As if they weren’t involved enough, the lawyers also questioned whether the social worker in the ad was sending the wrong message. They secured red pens and started drawing lines through stuff. They crossed out five functions, the social worker and all the family members including the mini-Warhol. What we were left with was a great product with three solid functions—the 3-In-1 Electric Blower Vacuum Mulcher (item #: 62337).

With its three legally approved functions, this baby is awesome! The efficient leaf blower converts to a vacuum with the flip of a switch. In vacuum mode, you can capture leaves, shred and bag them for mulch. Features include two speed settings for big or small jobs, a 12:1 mulch ratio and a lightweight balanced design. Accessories include a blower tube, mulcher tubes, concentrator nozzle and collection bag. Available at any one of Harbor Freight’s 500+ stores, the Portland® 3-In-1 Electric Blower Vacuum Mulcher will definitely become your go-to for yard work! And hey, if you happen to weigh down a stack of papers with it or whip up a confetti storm, not even those darn lawyers can stop you, though you will have effectively rendered your warranty null and void…

3-In-1 Electric Blower Vacuum Mulcher
item#: 62337


6 in Digital Caliper

We get some interesting questions here at Harbor Freight about our products. VERY interesting… Take the 6 In. Digital Caliper (item #: 47257) for example. This versatile tool features stainless steel construction and an easy-to-read display that converts from SAE to metric quickly and easily. It’s ideal for getting exact measurements of width and thickness up to 6″ of your project. The device also features automatic shut-off and a storage case. Now, you’d expect the usual questions about accuracy, batteries, etc. You wouldn’t expect a question like “Can I use it to measure the inside of a walnut shell?” Without mentioning names, (Beverly Smith of Burndt Corn, Alabama), someone asked that question.

Since it wasn’t the “usual” question and we always want to provide safe guidelines for product usage, we consulted our crack team of lawyers, quality assurance personnel, two independent engineering consulting firms, seven private investigators, Steven Hawking and Odin. After much debate, analysis and ritual sacrifice, we were finally able to give this anonymous customer (Beverly Smith of Burndt Corn, Alabama) an answer: Yes, you can also use it to measure the inside of a walnut shell. We braced for impact, but alas, no negative repercussions ensued. Phew!

We love our products, like the 6 In. Digital Caliper, and we love our customers—even the ones who are nuts—or measure the inside of them…

Disclaimer: Actual product, product question, customer and customer city of origin have been changed to protect the innocent. Reference to “customers, even the ones who are nuts” is merely for entertainment purposes. We would never refer to our customers as “nuts” unless actual documentation was presented and signed by a notary public.

6 in. Digital Caliper
item #: 47257


10 Ton Hydraulic Log Splitter

A recent scientific study involving scientific research conducted by scientists revealed that the “dog” is not man’s best friend. Results confirmed that the dog is man’s second best friend. Man’s first and foremost best friend is the 10 Ton Hydraulic Log Splitter (item #: 67090) from Harbor Freight Tools. (Hey, it’s science. Don’t argue with it.)

The study showed that while the log splitter can’t roll over, beg or bark on command, it can split logs up to 18″ long and 6-1/2″ in diameter. Manually, operated, you won’t have to fuss with batteries, gasoline or extension cords to power it. Simply eat a good breakfast and put a little backbone into it! The extra-long handles provide added leverage—generate up to 10 tons of splitting force—that’s Green Lantern strong—yet the compact size allows for easy storage!

The 10 Ton Hydraulic Log Splitter is sure to become your reliable, loyal, nonjudgmental best friend. You will have to clean up after it, but we guarantee cleaning up after the 10 Ton Hydraulic Log Splitter will be a lot more pleasant than cleaning up after man’s second best friend. And both are preferable to cleaning up after Green Lantern… eww!

10 Ton Hydraulic Log Splitter
Item #: 67090


2 Piece Cutting Board Set








It’s hard not to get caught up in a good episode of Iron Chef America. The chefs are incredibly talented, the energy is frenetic and the culinary creations are divine. But like anything else that’s exciting, enjoyable and compelling, the audience will eventually get bored—unless the stakes are raised. They’ve tried doing it with the secret ingredients—the likes of scorpionfish and snapping turtle but it just won’t be enough in the long run. More risk is required. Hence, Iron Chef Thunderdome. The basic premise is that two chefs enter, one chef leaves. While preparing the 4-5 dishes utilizing the secret ingredient in an hour, they also have to endure booby traps (e.g. oven mitts filled with shish-kabob skewers  coated with the venom of poison dart frogs) as well as fend off the sous chefs from the opposing team who are allowed to attack at random with knives, corkscrews and brulee torches. If both chefs survive the completion of the dishes, the judges then determine a winner. The loser becomes next week’s “secret ingredient”. That should be good for another couple of years…

Whether you live to cook, cook to live or in the case of Iron Chef Thunderdome cook to survive, you’re always going to want good kitchen equipment, like the 2 Piece Cutting Board Set (item #: 69459) from Harbor Freight Tools! These polypropylene cutting boards are extremely durable as well as easy to clean. They’re sanitary, odorless, non-toxic and heat resistant up to 260° F. They resist knife cuts better than wood which reduces the risk of salmonella—and can be used as a makeshift shield against attacking sous chefs. Visit one of Harbor Freight’s 500+ stores to get your 2 Piece Cutting Board Set—your culinary life may depend on it!

2 Piece Cutting Board Set
item #: 69459


Anti-Fatigue Foam Mat Set 4 Pc

When we think of the Beatnik era, iconic figures like Alan Ginsberg and Jack Kerouac come to mind. Rarely do we think of Slim Whitehead, one of the greatest Beatnik poets of all time… well, at least one of the greatest Beatnik poets of his home town of Toad Suck, Arkansas. Slim had been a soybean farmer until he read Tom Wolfe’s The Kandy-Kolored Tangerine-Flake Streamline Baby and then traded in his chisel plow for a black turtleneck, beret and second-hand bongos. He wrote prolifically during his lifetime but having stored his collective works in a shallow ditch by a freeway onramp, little record is left of his literary legacy.

What we do know is that Slim, along with many other Beatniks, suffered from extreme foot fatigue during extended poetry readings—which explains why the Anti-Fatigue Foam Mat Set 4 Pc (item #: 94635) from Harbor Freight became the official anti-fatigue mat set of the Beatnik generation. Fortunately, one of Slim’s poems survived the onslaught of rain, car exhaust and general decay. Below is Slim Whitehead’s tribute to the Anti-Fatigue Foam Mat Set 4 Pc…

by Slim Whitehead

Don’t be a 25” x 25” square times 4
Unless you dare
To support my weight
Like a grassy field to an anxious kangaroo
Escaped from the zoo

Lay low
Absorb that impact
Like a sailboat
Who’s lost its sail
It’s still a boat
Still afloat
Like a pineapple drifting in a vat
Of ambient coconut oil

Aching feet
These non-slip interlocking foam pieces will beat
Waterproof and easy to clean
Like a duck with neoprene feathers

Cool cats at their workbenches
Standing all day
To complete projects Z thru A
Need comfort and safety
One-half inch of foam
Oh so cushy
Like working at the DMV before cars were invented

A set of four
Hipsters can buy more
And fill the floor
Configure them the way you’d like
Indoors or out
Your heart will soar
From the feet up
And clean out that place where wanton fatigue used to make its nest
Out of twigs, forgotten lovers and shredded Post-It® notes

No longer a vagabond with accounting skills
Whose life never added up for him
Because his feet hurt too much while standing


Anti-Fatigue Foam Mat Set 4 Pc
item#: 94635


Drywall Panel Hoist








Few are familiar with the Encryptian Empire or Ancient Encrypt, not to be confused with Ancient Egypt though they existed during the same time period. (Early directions to Encrypt – head east toward Egypt and take the first exit at Chad. It will be on your left-hand side. You can’t miss it.) The Encryptians were a very advanced society. They were actually the first civilization to invent primitive computers and more importantly, they developed protocols on how to protect the stored information, hence encryption.

Egypt started building their amazing pyramids, which were the envy of the existing world. The ruler of Encrypt, King Ihop, got jealous. He pulled together his entire staff of builders, inventors and cobra gods to devise great buildings of their own. The Egyptians had cornered the limestone market and it was limestone that they used to make the pyramids. But the Encryptians had gypsum—and lots of it! One particularly cleaver Encryptian, Phil Handymantep, made plaster out of gypsum and sandwiched it between two pieces of papyrus. When it dried in the hot desert sun, the material became strong, durable and sheets of it were easy to maneuver—with the help of yaks. They named it drai woll. Phil was promoted to demi-god and the buildings went up lickety-split. To outdo the pyramids, the Encryptians built fancy rhombohedrons. Practically overnight, Ancient Encrypt became its own empire. King Ihop was so thrilled, he threw a pancake breakfast for everyone in his realm.

Things were looking pretty good for Encrypt until a torrential rain hit the desert. Turns out drai woll was quite absorbent. The buildings swelled like ticks at a blood bank—drai woll quickly became wett woll, which is only good if you want big piles of gypsum mush. The rhombohedrons fell to pieces and along with them, the Encryptian Empire. Subsequently, Phil was demoted from demi-god to “sacrifice”.

It wouldn’t be until the late 1800s in the UK that “drywall” would make a comeback. Of course, it was only used for interior work then as it still is today. And since we don’t have the benefit of yak power anymore, when working with drywall, it would behoove builders, contractors and do-it-yourselfers to get the Drywall Panel Hoist (item #: 69377) from Harbor Freight Tools! Sturdy and stable, the Drywall Panel Hoist enables you to lift drywall and sheetrock without assistance. The durable welded steel construction holds single drywall panels up to 150 lbs. and lifts up to a height of 11 ft. The drywall panel lift features an automatic load holding brake for safety, an extendable tripod base for stability and smooth-rolling non-marring rubber casters that easily lock in place.

Whether you’re fixing a damaged wall, finishing off a new room addition or looking to bump up your civilization to empire status, start with a visit to one of Harbor Freight’s 500+ stores and get the Drywall Panel Hoist. Maybe you’ll do such a good job, your mummified remains along with your mummified spouses’ remains and mummified goldfish’s remains will be buried deep within the heart of the Great Rhombohedron…

Drywall Panel Hoist
item#: 69377



Personal Sound Amplifier

Jasper Jovanovich was the mayor of the quaint town of Homily, North Dakota. Jasper was a great mayor though a bit hard of hearing. Because of that, he misheard a lot of information during council meetings and ended up green-lighting projects like a hog park (was supposed to be a dog park) and a strip hall (was supposed to be a strip mall). That last one really upset the parents and church goers of Homily though revenue generated from strip hall taxes pumped up the town coffers by 750%.

The final straw came when Jasper almost agreed to allowing an Arbor Skate Stools store to be built in the center of town. He couldn’t figure out why anyone would need a store selling stools for skaters made of trees but he couldn’t think of any reason not to approve it. Besides, the bingo supplies store has just gone out of business, which left a vacant space right next to the strip hall. Fortunately, the representative from Harbor Freight Tools handed Jasper an item sold in their 500+ stores—the Personal Sound Amplifier (item #: 66863).

Featuring an impact resistant housing, this nifty device delivers clear, crisp sound at your desired volume level without disturbing others. It’s ideal for theaters, plays, church, public events and especially town council meetings! You’ll never need to muddle your way through a conversation, important business meeting or civic proposal again! Plus, the personal sound amplification device comes with Harbor Freight’s ridiculously low price—now that’s music to cure steers!

Personal Sound Amplifier
item#: 66863


Pneumatic Planishing Hammer

Most of us are familiar with the Planet of the Apes franchise. Basically, apes run the world, humans are enslaved or in hiding and bananas are worth more than their weight in gold. While many think the story is fiction, there was an incident back in 1945 that inspired the whole thing… Guy Spreckle had just returned from the war. He settled back home with his wife and two children in Sopchoppy, Florida. During a poker game one night, he won two chimpanzees named Ed and Mr. Polka Dot. Ed and Mr. Polka Dot were rather smart and could perform basic human tasks like eating with utensils and playing ping pong. They became an integral part of the Spreckle family.

Guy made his money as an auto body technician working right out of a detached garage on his property. Slowly but surely though, his auto body business dropped. Long-time customers stopped bringing their cars to him. When old customers saw Guy around town, they quickly changed direction and avoided him. Guy couldn’t figure out what was happening. A competitor must be underbidding him, but who? As far as he knew, he was the only auto body technician in town. Coincidentally, the grocery stores all around Sopchoppy were selling out of bananas almost daily.

One night, Guy was awakened by a noise out back. He put on his robe and slippers to investigate. The noise was coming from the detached garage. He crept through the door and saw a horrible sight—Ed and Mr. Polka Dot were using a pneumatic planishing hammer to fix the bumper on Old Mr. Grearson’s Studebaker while Mr. Grearson perused Reader’s Digest in the makeshift lobby. Hidden behind a hay bail, he watched how the two chimps expertly worked out the dents, reattached the bumper and then took 10 bananas as payment from Mr. Grearson. Long story short, Guy went bankrupt and moved his family to Dead Horse, Alaska, to work at his sister’s boutique glue shop. Ed and Mr. Polka Dot franchised their auto body business and made a fortune. However, after some shady dealings with a Columbian fruit cartel known as El Plátano Grande, Ed and Mr. Polka Dot were never seen or heard from again…

If you have a metal shop and boast opposable thumbs, you owe it to yourself to visit one of Harbor Freight’s 500+ stores and acquire the Pneumatic Planishing Hammer (item #: 94847). This ingenious tool is perfect for smoothing large areas of metal for welds and panel crowning. With its solid steel frame, the  Pneumatic Planishing Hammer can shape steel up to 18 gauge! It also features foot pedal operation to leave your hands free to work and adjust. It’s a great addition to any metal workshop for working on auto body parts, sheet metal casing and hobbies! And the price is so low, you’ll go bananas!

Pneumatic Planishing Hammer
item#: 94847


Mechanic's Roller Seat

Most bachelors prefer the term “minimalist” when it comes to home décor. Function often supersedes fashion, style and real furniture. As a result, items in the bachelor pad also serve dual function like the Mechanic’s Roller Seat (item #: 3338) from Harbor Freight Tools.

The foam-cushioned rolling shop seat provides comfort and easy access to tools with an integrated high-impact PVC pan. The seat also features a durable steel frame and smooth-rolling 2 in. swivel casters. For long automotive jobs, you can’t beat it! As a dining room chair, it’s perfect for entertaining that special someone. At first, she may look at the chair with disdain, until you pull out a chocolate-covered strawberry from the high-impact PVC pan then swivel caster over and feed it to her. You deliver a red rose as well and she quickly overlooks the Mechanic’s Roller Seat/dining room chair, along with your beach towel/curtains and boxer shorts/oven mitt…

Mechanic’s Roller Seat
item#: 3338


King Tutankhamun’s tomb laid undiscovered for over 3000 years. In November of 1922, under the sponsorship of Lord Carnarvon, Howard Carter discovered the tomb in the Valley of the Kings. Personally, with the area being called “Valley of the Kings”, that’s the first place I would have looked for “King” Tut… Valley of the Ox Carts? Probably not. Truth be told, it probably took so long to find King Tut’s tomb because archeologists didn’t have the Swivel Lens Headlamp (Item #: 45807) from Harbor Freight Tools!

The lightweight headlamp allows the user to work hands free without neck strain while the swivel lens can be adjusted 90 degrees up or down to light up any project. It also features an easy on/off button and is waterproof for use outdoors. For plumbing, electrical work or a myriad of other projects, the Swivel Lens Headlamp is indispensable! But don’t be fooled by imitations on the market—Harbor Freight’s Swivel Lens Headlamp is the only one that features anti-curse technology. Try excavating a forbidden tomb with another swivel lens and you could wake up one morning with the head of jackal and the body of a scarab beetle. And you think your dating life sucks now…

Swivel Lens Headlamp
item#: 45807