We all know the legend of Hercules—half god, half human, and the strongest man on Earth. Hercules embarked on many adventures, including the “12 Labors” which were near impossible tasks meant to test his strength, endurance and courage. But lesser known is the singular adventure of Hercules’ kid brother, Doofus…
Doofus worked for the Ancient Greece Post Office delivering scrolls and parcels to his fellow countrymen. His life was pretty ordinary. While his brother was busy slaying the Nemean Lion, Doofus was busy slaying a gyro with steak fries. Such was the life of Doofus. All that changed one day while making a delivery to the Parthenon. He was suddenly confronted by the god Carpenterus in the form of a 2 x 4. “Doofus!” said the deified wooden post, “You must travel to Seriphos Island—there you will find a piece of furniture, a golden buffet, that needs to be returned to Athens. I must warn you that your journey will be fraught with peril. On the island lives four Cyclopes—foul, one-eyed giants who like to eat human flesh. Also, the buffet itself is quite heavy. Not even your brother Hercules could lift it! No pressure but if you fail in this task, Greece’s populous will be turned into Erymanthian rock slugs. Good luck and Zeus-speed.”
Doofus set sail right away and traveled through tumultuous seas for the better part of a month before arriving at Seriphos. The oldest of the Cyclopes saw Doofus’ ship coming from a mile away, hence the phrase “good eye” was coined for someone with sharp vision. When Doofus landed on the island, he was immediately greeted by the uniocular beasts. “Foolish mortal!” they bellowed in unison, “we are going to eat you!” Doofus had only a pocket knife as well as a handful of peanuts—the latter of which he offered to the creatures. Not wishing to be impolite before devouring this measly human, the one-eyed giants ate the peanuts. It is well documented in Greek mythology that Cyclopes have terrible nut allergies. Having not read their own mythology and thus lacking epinephrine pens, they dropped dead on the spot. Phew! Doofus searched the island and discovered the golden buffet, which was made of some sort of immortal substance colored gold but not actually gold itself—“laminate” they called it and it was heavy beyond belief! If only the buffet had wheels or something. An idea hit Doofus like a flash and he pulled out his pocket knife.
He used the eyes of the Cyclopes like roller ball bearings and placed one each under the corners of the buffet. Moving it then became a breeze! Doofus returned to the mainland with the buffet, prevented Greek citizens from being turned into slugs and was promoted to Ancient Greece Post Office Master General. At least that’s how mythology tells the tale. But nothing is mythological about the benefits of the 1″ Roller Ball Bearing (item #: 67060) from Harbor Freight Tools! The roller ball bearing is an essential component to building your own mobile base and rolling work table. The bearing is multidirectional for optimal maneuverability once in use. This handy roller ball bearing is just what you need for constructing moveable surfaces in the home, garage or professional workshop!
Mortals should visit one of Harbor Freight’s peril-free 500+ stores nationwide to get the 1″ Roller Ball Bearing. Please wear tunics and sandals in the stores and no three-headed dogs allowed.
1″ Roller Ball Bearing
item #: 67060