CAN’T STAND FATIGUE? THEN STAND ON THE 4 PIECE ANTI-FATIGUE FOAM MAT SET!

4 Piece Anti Fatigue Mat SetEvery minute of every day, over 400 children are born into this world that will potentially experience fatigue when standing up for long periods of time as adults. Here are some other facts you may not know about fatigue:

• Fatigue is the number one cause of symptoms related to fatigue.
• According to a study conducted by Timothy Leary in 1971, a group of lab rats were forced to stand for three hours straight and spontaneously combusted into multiple colors.
• Fatigue comes from the Latin word fatīgāre, which means “to tire”. People who spoke Latin tired easily.
• “Fatigue” is not in Webster’s Dictionary because Noah Webster was too fatigued to include it.
• Dolphins and howler monkeys never get fatigued.

Despite the pandemic threat of fatigue, our government continues to do nothing. But YOU don’t have to take fatigue lying down even though that’s what most people do when they experience it. Like most conditions, diseases and bad politicians who get elected, prevention is the best cure. At Harbor Freight Tools, we’re doing our part to prevent the onset of fatigue with the 4 Piece Anti-Fatigue Foam Mat Set. This set of anti-fatigue foam mats gives your aching feet a rest indoors or out. Waterproof, lightweight and easy to clean, the anti-fatigue mats lock together in multiple configurations—place in front of work tables or any area where you might be standing for extended periods of time! Plus, the ½” thick mats are impact absorbent, adding both comfort and safety to your work area. If you’re tired of fatigue, or tired from fatigue, then muster up whatever energy you have left and head on over to one of 500 Harbor Freight stores nationwide! Take a stand on fatigue by standing on the 4 Piece Anti-Fatigue Foam Mat Set from Harbor Freight Tools!

4 Piece Anti-Fatigue Foam Mat Set
Sku#: 94635

I THOUGHT YOU SAID “DUCK” TAPE…

Duct-Tape-300x300Confession: the first time I heard someone mention duct tape, I thought they were saying “duck” tape. All sorts of questions came to my mind… Why would you need to tape ducks together? Was there a special adhesive that worked better on feathers compared to Scotch tape or masking tape? If two ducks were taped together in the forest and no one was around, would they still quack? The more I thought about these questions, the more I questioned my own existential being. Surely, the reason for duck tape reached beyond the practical need to bind ducks together. I dropped out of chiropractic college, sold my Vespa and traveled east in search of answers. After 10 years, I was in Nepal and had hired a Sherpa named Peter (his parents were huge Easy Rider fans) to take me to a remote peak in the Himalayas that was reputed to be the vortex of mysterious and powerful energies. I sat in meditation for 8 days and nights, no food and the only water I drank was from the melted frost that formed on my upper lip. Nothing happened. No answers regarding duck tape were revealed to me. Perhaps my soul was marred and unworthy of such revelation. Perhaps there were mysteries that were not meant for mortal man to discover. Perhaps the answers were right in front of me but beyond my personal understanding.

Just when I had given up all hope, a strong wind picked up and seemingly out of nowhere, a mailer from Harbor Freight Tools blew right into my face. As I removed the mailer featuring the latest specials and discounts, I noticed a coupon for Duct Tape. DUCT tape. And then the revelation hit: it’s tape for ducts. Ducts do come apart and need repair. And you need an adhesive that works better on sheet metal compared to Scotch tape or masking tape. Only one question remained: if a duct breaks in the forest, does the escaping air make a sound? That last one almost sent me back on another decade-long journey but then I realized there aren’t any ducts in the forest. Whew! I returned to the states, completed my chiropractic training and investing heavily in soy commodities. I made a fortune and today I live like a king, but I still do my own home repairs. And being a do-it-yourselfer, I always have several rolls of 2 in. x 50 yd Cloth Back Sliver Duct Tape from Harbor Freight Tools on hand. The all-purpose duct tape has thousands of uses around the workshop, jobsite and home. The polyethylene backed, rubber base adhesive duct tape is great for quick and easy repairs, labeling, sticking items together (sans ducks) and sealing. Resistant to water and abrasions, this general-purpose duct tape is a must have for the professional and do-it-yourselfer alike. And the great news is that you don’t have to travel half way around the world, hire a guide named after an actor whose heyday was in the 70s and drink melted frost from your upper lip to acquire  2 in. x 50 yd Cloth Back Sliver Duct Tape. With over 500 locations nationwide, just visit your local Harbor Freight store or get it at harborfreight.com.

(Disclaimer: No ducks were harmed in the writing of this article.)

2 in. x 50 yd Cloth Back Sliver Duct Tape
Sku: 94714
$4.29

ALEXANDER THE GREAT AND THE 1.5 HP ELECTRIC POLE SAW

pole sawWithout the 1.5 HP Electric Pole Saw, Alexander the Great may not have been so great! According to a dusty scroll found three days ago in the backroom of an Albanian spice merchant’s warehouse along the Adriatic, Alexander III of Macedon (A3 as he was called) inherited the kingdom from his father Phillip II who had been assassinated. Upon being named successor to the throne, A3 walked out to his backyard and there stood an olive tree that reached toward the sky. He declared “I will climb this tree and as far as I can see, I will conquer!” A bold statement. Unfortunately, the tree was so dense with branches, he could only climb up a few feet. From that vantage point, he was able to see as far as two of his neighbors’ yards, which he summarily conquered. He was then called Alexander the Terrible Neighbor.

In order to climb higher, Alexander the Terrible Neighbor needed to get rid of those darn branches. He went to Harbor Freight Tools, which had a store in Amphipolis, and purchased the 1.5 HP Electric Pole Saw. Well, it wasn’t actually electric back then, but the motor did come with a horse and a pony, hence, 1.5 horsepower. Anyway, he went back to the olive tree and started to cut more branches. Alexander was impressed with the features of the Pole Saw, which included a telescoping fiber glass pole that extended from 6 ft. to 8ft. 10 inches in length,  9-1/2 inch bar with 3/8 inch pitch Oregon® chain, automatic chain oiler, reduced kickback design, hand guard and easy chain adjustment. Midway through a branch, the saw broke but Alexander the Terrible Neighbor had kept his receipt so he returned the broken saw to the store and received a replacement without any hassle.

Back to the tree. He finished up cutting and then climbed. This time he was able to see as far as the subcontinent of India. He then sent messengers to all credit card companies and wireless carriers throughout his current empire and vowed that when he conquered India, he would establish customer service centers for all of them. The outsourcing saved these companies millions of drachma. As a reward, the Macedonian Better Business Bureau awarded Alexander a Lucite plaque and dubbed him Alexander the Great.

Today, you only need to conquer street traffic or a slow Internet connection to behold the 1.5 HP Electric Pole Saw from Harbor Freight Tools. Not only will you enjoy the fabulous features and ease of use, but you’ll become the envy of your neighbors, provided you leave their yards alone.

1.5 HP Electric Pole Saw
Sku#: 68862
$74.99

CENTRAL MACHINERY CEMENT MIXER – A FAVORITE AMONG FARMERS, CONTRACTORS AND THE MAFIA!

Cement MixerA favorite among farmers, contractors and the Mafia—check out the 3-1/2 Cubic Ft. Cement Mixer from Harbor Freight Tools! This Cement Mixer handles stucco, mortar or concrete at 36 RPM. Plus, the two large wheels make it easily portable! Constructed of solid steel, this mixer is great for both construction and farm applications such as seed inoculation or mixing feed. Whether working on the farm, construction site or in the yard, this versatile cement mixer handles just about any mixing job! So, why is it such a big hit with the Mafia? It’s not what you’re thinking, cement shoes and all that. According to an FBI informant, the Mafia is getting into organic farming. Yup, high cholesterol and degenerative medical conditions are taking their toll on organized crime. Several kingpins such as Vinnie “The Vegan” Garbanzo, Anthony “Vitamin A” Arugula and “Broccoli” Benny Baduchi have found that a low-fat diet consisting of organic fruits and vegetables, cutting out carbs like pasta and bread, no dairy and, of course, 30 to 40 minutes of Vinyasa yoga a day greatly reduces LDL, triglyceride levels and the urge to seek revenge on rivals. This excerpt was taken from an undercover recording where two Mafia members discuss the upcoming crop:

Mafiosa 1: Wadda mean youz ain’t gonna use no inoculant on them legumes?
Mafiosa 2: Let’s just plant them seeds and seez what happens!
Mafiosa 1: Seez what happens? Are ya stupid or somethin’? If we don’t inoculate with the proper rhizobacteria, we’ll never be able to fix the nitrogen to fuel the plant growth and nourish the soil for subsequent crops!
Mafiosa 2: Geez, I never thought about that!
Mafiosa 1: Enough lip flappin’! Youz go get us that seed inoculant!
Mafiosa 2: How come I gotta get it?
Mafiosa 1: ‘Cause I already picked up the 3-1/2 Cubic Ft. Cement Mixer from Harbor Freight Tools!
Mafiosa 2: Was it expensive?
Mafiosa 1: Are kiddin’? With their quality tools at ridiculously low prices, they made me an offer I couldn’t refuse…

3-1/2 Cubic Ft. Cement Mixer
Sku#: 67536
$189.99

http://bit.ly/1mu9XOG

 

OUR DARKEST HOUR DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THANKS TO THE 16 LED HAND CRANK SPOTLIGHT!

Happy New Year! Are you ready for the apocalypse?

According to Norse mythology experts, Ragnarök is predicted to take place on February 22, 2014. A great battle will take place involving Odin, Thor and the other gods, there will be catastrophic natural disasters and Robert Goulet will rise from the grave and put out another album, Armageddon to Know You! (Too soon on the Goulet joke?) Don’t let the end darken your mood—let a little light in with the 16 LED Hand Crank Spotlight from Harbor Freight Tools! This hand crank spotlight allows you to choose between bright (10 LEDs) and super-bright (16 LEDs) modes with the flip of a switch! The hand crlightank spotlight also features an automatic shut-off to prevent overcharging and can deliver up to 28 hours of illumination on a full charge.. Okay, so let’s say that Ragnarök doesn’t happen, just for the sake of discussion. The 16 LED Hand Crank Spotlight is still a great item to have at home, in your vehicle and in the shop to provide light when and where you need it! With multi-charge capacity, you can crank it up by hand, plug it into a cigarette lighter or use a 120-volt AC/DC adapter (not included) to charge it. It even has a fancy lanyard to reduce the likelihood of dropping it on your foot—as if Ragnarök isn’t bad enough…

16 LED Hand Crank Spotlight
Sku#: 96141

DON’T SETTLE FOR A WRONG-SHAPED HEATER OR WRONG-SHAPED HEAT! GO PARABOLIC!

It turns out the circle is NOT nature’s most perfect shape. Scientists at an undisclosed laboratory somewhere in Spain have determined that the parabola is nature’s most perfect shape. Turns out the circle is parabolic heaternature’s most “round” shape. According to dictionary.com, a parabola is “a plane curve formed by the intersection of a right circular cone with a plane parallel to a generator of the cone; the set of points in a plane that are equidistant from a fixed line and a fixed point in the same plane or in a parallel plane.” Think of the letter “U” and you should be able to get through  a cocktail-party conversation about the parabola. So, why is parabolic heat superior to circular heat, triangular heat or rectangular heat for that matter? Remember those scientists in Spain? Through exhaustive research, here’s a summary of their findings… Heat emanating from a circle “circulates”. Not bad but the heat gets diluted. Heat from a triangle “triangulates”. Better, but we don’t live in a three-sided world. And heat from a rectangle “rectangulates”, which is so inefficient, rectangulate isn’t even a word. Along those lines, you’d think that parabolic heat “parabolates”. Alas, no! According to that exhaustive scientific research in Spain, when a parabolic shape is created either in nature or mechanically, magic fairies materialize out of thin air and propel any surrounding heat out of the wide end of the parabola with exponential force. No such fairies appear with other shapes. Once this ground-breaking research was revealed, Harbor Freight jumped on the opportunity to provide a parabolic heater to its chill-stricken customers!

In addition to its superior shape, the 400/800 Watt Parabolic Heater features two heat settings, wide oscillating angle and adjustable tilting angle, plus a safety tip-over switch that automatically shuts off the heater if it’s turned over. Weighing in under 5 pounds, this heater is as portable as it is powerful! Don’t settle for a wrong-shaped heater or wrong-shaped heat. You deserve parabolic heat—you deserve the 400/800 Watt Parabolic Heather from Harbor Freight Tools!

400/800 Watt Parabolic Heater
Sku #: 94777

HO! HO! BACK HO!—IT’S THE TOWABLE RIDE-ON TRENCHER FROM HARBOR FREIGHT TOOLS!

Hey gang, looking for the perfect gift for that hard-to-shop-for person? Harbor Freight has it, the Towable Ride-On Trencher! It comes with a hitch coupler for hooking up the trencher to your pickup truck. Plus, it’s the perfect stocking stuffer, provided the stocking is at least 12 ft. long by 6 ft. in diameter. Now, we all know the story of Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer, but few know the song was originally taken from another song entirely which was based on a true story—Rudolf the Towable Ride-On Trencher. And it goes something like this:

 

You know hack saws and hammers, wrenches and files, power drills and punches to give leather some style, but do you recall, the greatest trencher of them all…

Towable Ride-On Trencher

Rudolf, the Towable Ride-On Trencher

Had a 2.7 GPM hydraulic pump

Also a padded comfort seat

To fit any operator’s rump

 

All of the other farmers

Used to dig their trenches by hand

They didn’t have a boom that travels 60 degrees both directions

To dig trenches across their land

 

Then one soggy growing season

The farmers came to say

Rudolf with your 12” DOT certified wheels

Dig a drainage trench and we’ll make you a deal

 

Then how the farmers loved him

As the 3-tooth bucket dug up to 7 ft. deep

The trench drained off the flooded fields

The crops were saved so they could be reaped!

 

(As a side note, the “deal” the farmers made with Rudolf was 10% profit sharing for that season, which he used to invest in annuities and lived happily ever after.)

 

Towable Ride-On Trencher

Sku#: 65162

THE RECIPROCATING SAW AND THE ISLAND OF MISFIT TOOLS

Once upon a time, just north of Easter Island there lied an archipelago that was rarely visited due to its razor sharp reefs, tumultuous currents, jagged cliffs and uneven terrain. In the center of this island chain existed an island like no other. This island had become the refuge for tools that never found a place in the hearts or tool boxes of the human race, hence its name, The Island of Misfit Tools. Inhabitants included the hammer with two claws and no head, the D clamp and the handleless wrench. These poor tools spent their days wandering around the island, reading Niche and lawn bowling but what they really desired was to be put to use by loving contractors or do-it-yourselfers. For a time, the reciprocating saw was among them. It seemed no one could figure out how to utilize a combination jigsaw/hack saw that was also portable. But then a miracle happened, the big guy in the red suit showed up—can you guess who? Yup, it was Gus the Handyman in his patent-pending crimson jump suit. Long story short but Gus had been hot air ballooning in Chile while on vacation and got caught in a storm that blew him clear across to the Island of Misfit Tools. Fortunately, the balloon was unscathed but the basket was badly damaged—fixing it was his only chance of getting back to the mainland.6 Amp Reciprocating Saw with Rotating Handle

He found trees with bamboo-like branches all over the island but no way to cut them. The double-claw hammer proved useless and the D clamp wasn’t much better. The handless wrench? Forget about it. But the reciprocating saw… ah ha! Now, at this point of the story, you’re probably wondering where he would have plugged in the reciprocating saw. As the saying goes “curiosity killed the cat” so it’s best not to expound on every little tiny detail… Where were we? Oh yeah, so, Gus used the reciprocating saw to cut the branches and repair the basket. He returned to the mainland with his new favorite tool, the reciprocating saw. Shortly thereafter, the entire archipelago sunk into the abyss due to an ancient Incan curse never to be seen again. Sometimes, on a clear night from the beaches of Antofagasta, Chili, you can hear the desperate and hopeless cries (albeit muffled by several thousand feet of sea water) of the misfit tools that never got put to use. It’s pretty disturbing…

On a happier note, everyone loves the reciprocating saw, especially the powerful 6 Amp Reciprocating Saw with Rotating Handle from Harbor Freight Tools. The handle rotates 180° with five positive stops at 0, 45° and 90° left, as well as 45° and 90° right for comfortable and controlled cutting from any angle. Features also include a pivoting shoe plate for increased stability and a rubber grip. It also has a ½” twist-lock blade chuck for fast, easy blade changes and a variable speed trigger with a switch lock-on button. The 6 Amp Reciprocating Saw with Rotating Handle has become an indispensable favorite among plumbers, electricians, contractors and DIYers. And for those of you into hot air ballooning…

 

6 Amp Reciprocating Saw with Rotating Handle
Sku#: 65570

Pocket Ref Third Edition

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. Useless fact. The conveyor belt maximum angle of loose cement is 22 degrees. Useful fact! John Lennon’s first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles. Useless fact. The normal human hearing range is between 30 and 15,000 Hertz. Useful fact! Cephalacaudal recapitulation is the reason our extremities develop faster than the rereference-bookst of us. Useless fact. The safe load for clear solid ice if you’re cross country skiing is 3 inches. Useful fact!

What’s the difference between useless facts and useful facts? Well, useless facts are useless, just like this sentence. Useful facts are useful (warning: this sentence is also useless)! Useless facts can be found all over the Internet. But a whole heapful of useful facts can be found in one place, the Pocket Ref 3rd Edition at Harbor Freight Tools (Ref stands for “reference”—another useful fact).

This book has it all—periodic tables, pipe specs, material weights and other properties, conversion tables, general science, 14-year perpetual calendar and my personal favorite, radioisotope half lives! Get one for the home, one for the toolbox, one for the glove box and one for your pocket, just make sure it’s a big pocket—the book contains over 800 pages of steaming hot reference information!

But who wants to put steaming hot anything in their pocket? Let’s try that again—the book has over 800 pages of stuff! Much better… If you’re a contractor, DIYer, mom, dad, uncle, carpenter, metallurgist, ornamental horticulturalist, mad scientist, hydraulic pressure historian or none of the above, this handy reference book is sure to become a favorite—and that’s a useful fact!

Pocket Ref Third Edition
Sku #: 35569

The Camouflage Utility Blanket, Projectile Cantaloupe and Haute Couture Fashion

utility-blanketThe 72″ x 80″ blanket is big enough to wrap around most furniture and thick enough to protect finishes. Double-stitched for durability, the blanket is ideal for moving, placing items in storage or protecting furniture during construction. Customers love this blanket though we have to admit, there have been a lot of questions about why the blankets have a camouflage design. It all started back in the early 2000’s. Fashion icon Valentino was reviewing fabrics for his spring line.

While pondering a bolt of raw silk, he was suddenly struck in the head with a cantaloupe (long story, but will suffice to say never stand within throwing distance of your personal assistant who’s on her third day of the Scaresdale diet). He was temporary rendered unconscious. While unconscious, he dreamed that he was a general in the fashion army and wore a camouflage field uniform, a.k.a. fatigues. He was meeting with his two military advisors, Giselle Bündchen and Kate Moss, to plan an all-out offensive on Michael Kors for selling out to Target. In his dream, he turned to Giselle and said “Darling, why do they call what I’m wearing fatigues?” To which she responded, “Because, darling, camouflage is so bourgeois, you feel fatigued just wearing it.” Valentino woke from his dream with two things: a nasty lump on his head from the projectile cantaloupe and the commitment to integrate camouflage into haute couture fashion.

As coincidence would have it, Valentino’s stepsister’s second cousin once removed was friends with the first cousin of the ex-wife’s niece of the woman who happened to be married to a buyer at Harbor Freight who was forced to go to a fashion show while vacationing with his wife in New York where Valentino’s new line of camouflage fashion was being revealed. On the way home from the fashion show, he too was struck by a cantaloupe (long story, but will suffice to say never stand within throwing distance of a malfunctioning mechanical orangutan at a produce stand). He woke up with two things: a nasty lump on his head from the cantaloupe and, well, you can figure out the rest… The 72″ x 80″ Camouflage Utility Blanket from Harbor Freight Tools—the perfect integration of function and fashion.